Wednesday, December 28, 2011

An Officer and a Gentleman

2011 has been a pretty exhausting year for me. About this time last year my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. As the oldest of 3 girls, my role has been chief of care management and taxi driver. As "Number 1" (yes, this is what my father affectionately called me), this has meant taking Dad to all of his doctor appointments and managing his treatment schedule. I also have a demanding full-time job, and sometimes it was a real challenge trying to keep up; my boss has been very understanding. My youngest sister helps; even though she has a full time job and 5 kids I can count on her. My middle sister has not really been engaged with the family for years; her choice. She's busy with other things and would usually decline invitations, so we just stopped including her. Although she did participate in Dad's treatment schedule, she has not been that involved with the well-being of my father or mother on a regular basis for a long time.

As a retired Naval Officer, I know that Dad initially felt a bit embarrassed about how his illness was making him physically weak and dependent on others. Although I would offer to get one, he never used a wheel chair coming or going from the hospital; he always walked in and out, slow and a bit shaky but always on his own steam. He completed his 5 days a week for 7 weeks radiation treatment the 3rd week of September. The month of October wasn't bad; he was healing according to schedule. We had reached our goal of him having some of the turkey dinner I cooked at Thanksgiving. But, November the pain came back with a vengeance. He made sure that all the bills were paid, that my mother had a freezer full of prepared food, he purchased a couple of months of dog kibble and booked the snow plow to clear the driveway. Then he called 911. He was admitted on November 29th with breathing problems and wanting his pain brought under control.

My youngest sister and I fell into a routine; when I was with Dad, she was with Mom and when I was with Mom she was with Dad. Dad turned out to be very sensitive to opiates when it came to managing his pain and he dreamed out loud a lot. I asked him one time if he was getting any rest. His response was "Girl, I just don't know because I can't tell if I am awake or asleep!" :-) He was very popular in the Naval community. He knew when he had visitors even though he was in a haze and would always try to be a good host. Although asleep he was aware that I was there and he would tell me what needed to be done for Mom or around the house. Deep memories bubbled to the top regularly. Sometimes our sleep-talking conversations included his boyhood in Newfoundland; he would give me instructions about getting the boat docked, filleting cod and placing it on the flakes or telling me he wanted to have a lie-down at Chris's Cove, the place where he was born. He smiled in his sleep often. I am thankful that his dreams were happy and knowing that gave me comfort when he passed away on December 16th in his sleep.

Dad was a pretty cool guy; charming and kind, humourous, could tell a great story, admired by men and women. He lived his life his way and was devoted to my mother to the end. He was also fiercely loyal to family, friends and country. All my girlfriends had a crush on him. :-) It must have terrified him to have three daughters. I have been thinking of how he helped shaped me into the person I am today. Dad was a man of few words when it came to sharing life lessons, I'm sure it was because he didn't want to appear preachy or "commanding". But his life lessons still hold water today and over the next while, I will include one at the end my posts. They may not be originals to you but coming from him made them original to me. If I have a comment to add, it will be in italics.

I want to say thanks to my blogger friends for giving me a place to go when I needed a respite from my day-to-day challenges. I may not be commenting much, but I have been trying to keep up with what is going on in your blogging world. I can't emphasize enough how much of a de-stresser Gem has been, even when I had to reduce my visits to once a week. I think he played a very important part in helping me get through the last year. Nothing compares to horse therapy.

This is my last post for 2011, so best wishes for health and happiness to you and yours for 2012. I hope it's everything you imagine it to be. See you in the New Year!

Life Lesson: Approach others with kindness and a smile first.


21 comments:

  1. Love and hugs - thanks for sharing this. Do take care of yourself and give your horse a hug.

    Love Abby

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  2. I am very sorry for your loss - he sounds like a fine man and father. Sending best wishes.

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  3. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Your father sounded like a good man and it's nice to know that his memories and family were there to comfort him.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your father soudned like such a wonderful man!

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  5. Wolfie, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. He does sound like an officer and a gentleman and it's no wonder all your friends had a crush on him. He sounds like he taught you many lessons that made you the wonderful caring person you are today and that is part of his legacy. I'm sure you will always have fond and happy memories to hold on to when you need them to comfort you.

    Best wishes to you and your family for the coming New Year.

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  6. Oh Wolfie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This was a beautiful tribute and must have been bittersweet to write. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man, thank you for sharing his life lessons with us.

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  7. Im so sorry about your loss Wolfie. He sounds like he was a wonderful man, and father.

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  8. Lovely post about your Dad Wolfie. Your father sounds like a very fine man, father, husband and human being. I think he was blessed to have a daughter like you, as you were blessed with him.

    I hope sharing his wisdom with us will ease your loss just a little.

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  9. Your dad was one of the true "old time tough" guys--men who are used to putting others first and toughing it out. I'm sorry to hear that he passed, and I know you'll miss him--but a life like his that was well-lived is something to remember with joy and happiness. This is a great post, and I hope you consider sharing it with some of your family members (if you haven't already). Best wishes for a sunny 2012.

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  10. Oh my, how hard to lose your dad. I am so sorry!
    He sounds like a remarkable guy!

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  11. Oh honey, I'm so sorry you've lost your dad {BIG HUGS} He sounds like a wonderful guy, what you've shared about him reminds me of my dad. I'm glad he smiled a lot in his sleep, for his sake, and for you and your family.
    Take care of yourself, give yourself time to grieve, and know we're all here thinking of you. xxx

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  12. I'm so sorry that you lost him, but it's a blessing he went with his mind filled with good thoughts and visions. What a wonderful man.

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  13. Wolfie, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. He sounds like a true gentleman and you wrote a beautiful and moving post about him. My dad died of cancer Christmas 2005, and it was a really rough time, but I came through it hanging on to my horse's mane. Gem will be such a comfort to you! Best wishes to you and yours.

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  14. Oh Wolfie, I'm so sorry that you lost your father. It sounds like he was a wonderful man and it must be a comfort to you that you were able to spend so much time with him before he went.

    Hugs

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  15. I am so very sorry to hear this. It sounds like we was a real good guy.

    Sympathy and kindest regards.

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  16. Well written heartfelt tribute, thanks for sharing. Sorry for your hard loss, may his memory help you and your family continue to heal. I look forward to your sharing his words of wisdom. Glad your horse therapy helped you through.

    Wishing you nothing but the best in 2012!

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  17. Oh my dear Wolfie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know only too well how hard it is and what you are going through. Your Dad sounded like one of the old school upstanding real gentlemen who are very rare in this day and age. You will always carry the pain but, with time, it will become easier to bear. I look forward to reading more about your Dad. xxx

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  18. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss; your Dad sounded like a lovely man.

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  19. I am so sorry to hear about your loss but it sounds like your dad lived a full and very loved life.

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  20. Thanks, everyone. Your kind words mean a great deal to me.

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