Warning: This post deals with mature subject matter and may not be appropriate for everyone. Reader discretion is advised.
I stopped by a drug store on the way home from a dinner engagement. It was around 9:30 p.m. and the store was pretty quiet. I am not familiar with K-Y Jelly. I wasn't sure what section I would find it under - personal hygiene, feminine products, first aid? There was no one readily available to ask. I walked up and down the aisles.
I eventually found it. There was a whole shelf dedicated to K-Y products! I had no idea there were so many different varieties. I was tempted to ask the (male) pharmacist for help, but I resisted because I wasn't quite sure how I would describe what kind of K-Y I was looking for...something for my horse just didn't sound right. I won't go into the details of the different kinds of K-Y, but suffice to say that I ended up having to put on my reading glasses and examine each box. It was an education, let me tell you! I have to admit that I kept checking the aisle for other shoppers....I started to feel like I was doing something naughty. I eventually found the good old original version. Whew! I grabbed the largest tube they had.
I was still a little embarrassed about my impromptu sex education class, so I headed over to the cosmetic section and picked up some make up that I did not need. I placed my items in front of the young lady at the cosmetic counter, hiding my K-Y tube under the other items and started chatting as she rang my items through....I was quite pleased with how I very cleverly deflected the fact that I had K-Y as one of my purchases! OK, OK....wishful thinking.... She probably saw me reading the K-Y packages and was wise to my plan of deflection and giggled about it with her co-workers at break time..... When I got home, I put a blob of the gel on the back of my hand. I wanted to make sure that it was not going to provide anything other than normal lubrication. :-)
My friend and I went to the stables as usual. My friend reaffirmed that she was in no way participating in the "act". I told her that she would not have to do anything but talk dirty to Gem. :-) I came prepared with surgical gloves, bucket, sponge, face cloth, paper towels and vodka...OK, only kidding about the vodka! I filled my bucket with lukewarm water and started my pep talk to myself. My friend started her grooming and I pulled on my gloves and lubed up. I can do this. It's like doing the dishes - you don't like doing them, but they have to be done. The moment of truth....assume the safety position....deep breath....and...
OK, I was amazed at how big a pocket the sheath is and I was also sorry that Gem had gunk there. He never indicated that he was in any discomfort, but the stuff I removed was nasty and in some cases the size of marbles. :-( He didn't move. He didn't fuss. He was absolutely wonderful. In fact, when I started the process, he "dropped" immediately and let me get to it. I had to empty and refill my bucket a few times. Initially, my friend did not want to know what was going on down there....but curiosity got the better of her. She noticed that he would retract when I left him to refill the bucket and as soon as I returned he would drop again. I think this is an indication that he was grateful that I was cleaning him. :-)
I did find it a little awkward bending to see what I was doing, while making sure I wasn't putting myself in harm's way if he kicked. Once I got over my initial heebie jeebies and focused on his comfort, I was on a mission. I was movin' and groovin', lubed up and focused; a vision of efficiency.
My friend: Uh, Wolfie...
Me (bending to see what I was doing): I am a little busy here!
My friend: Well, I think you should know...
Me (still bending and feeling around): Can you give me a sec! I am in the middle of something here!...
My friend: Yeah, well, I think you have some chunks of tar on your hair and forehead.
Me (still bending and feeling around): Tar? What tar? What are you talking about???
My friend: The tar you are removing from Gem.
Me (immediately standing erect): You mean, I have chunks of stuff from his willie ON MY FACE???!!!!
My friend: Yep.
Me: GET IT OFF!!!!!
Note to self: NEVER, EVER use your arm to push back your hair while doing this procedure.
Well, I did it!! And, it was no where near as bad or disgusting as I thought. He did not have a bean (as far as I can tell), but he did have quite a build up. I have no idea when Gem was last cleaned or if he has ever been cleaned. I feel better knowing that he's more comfortable. I can now add Willie Wash to my list of accomplishments...although there aren't a lot of people I would feel comfortable sharing this information with..... ;-)
What was I thinking....?